Kid's Letter

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He
never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold.
Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week.
I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete.
Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Anderson.
Age 11, Miami

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate,
but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance.
Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty.
Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious.
She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
Yours truly, Annette.
Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen.
Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen.
Age 9, Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said
that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance.
Sincerely, Eleanor.
Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie.
Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen.
Age 9, Athens

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team.
We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander.
Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua.
Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?
Sincerely, Christopher.
Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla.
Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph.
Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie.
Age 9, Lewiston

Kid's Letter

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A Redneck Valentine

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are 4ever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...

IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

Yipeeee....Yee Ha!

A Redneck Valentine

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Funny Quotes On Marriage Day

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
-Woody Allen.

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
-Rodney Dangerfield.

"Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
-Robin Williams.

"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people
remembering the same thing."
-Duane Dewel.

"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one
that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
-Helen Rowland

"I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to
instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment."
-Alan Bennett

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
in Europe."
-Jackie Mason

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the
hope of pulling out an eel."
-Leonardo Di Vinci.

"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like
and give her a house."
-Lewis Grizzard.

"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to
whom it may concern."
-Mickey Rooney.

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
-Rodney Dangerfield.

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
-Johnny Carson

Funny Quotes On Marriage Day

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